Thursday, December 30, 2010

A Rhyme for a Patch of Mine ♥

Veggie Garden,
little haven.
Small & new
what will you do?

Burn & fry right to the ground?
or grow so high with veggies proud?

Stand up tall like an Indian chief?
or dry & shrivel like an autumn leaf?

Now I wait for you to show
will you stay?
or will you go?

back in the ground where you began?
or up & proud like I have planned?

Little patch so full of life
I'll give you water, I'll give you light
I'll give you love, I'll give you time
& write for you this little rhyme ♥

Saturday, December 25, 2010

You & Us

All these moments
Swell up in my heart
They make me
They remake me
And I praise God above

I feel it
Synced with that beating
In my chest
I'll look back on this
When I'm old
When I'm fulfilled
And I'll love completely
And I'll know fully
That my life was great

Friday, December 24, 2010

Time On My Mind

I'm sinking deeply,
Falling wholly,
Crashing sharply,
Breaking slowly

Minds eye.
Minds memory.
Bring me back,
to that pain.
That fear.
Time, stalling, motion, aftermath

"and you run & you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again.."

Saturday, November 27, 2010

One, Two, Three

Quiet, blissful, glorious morning
my two love each other,
as they love me

Calm, wonderful, joyful life
I am forever grateful for the hand that I hold

Three silent, breathing bodies
One as strong as a mountain
Two as beautiful as a sunset
Three as loving as a mother

I Love You
I Love You both

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I Hope Your Fat

I drove by your house today,
Killing some time,
Trying to put my son to sleep,
and I thought to myself,
"This won't bother me"
"It was too long ago"
It was so long ago...

But it must,
and I knew it did,
when I felt a big, rolling, hard sorrow build right inside my chest.

Your ugly house is still fucking ugly.

I hope your really unsuccessful.

I hope your wife left you because your a closed off, ignorant, abusive, drug fucked weirdo

or better yet,

you've never been loved.

& I hope your fat.

.........You always hated that

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

For my Family

May God lift your soul,
Into his arms,
clutch you to his chest,
and love you forever,
the way you have been loved,
here on earth.

May God be with my family,
In the dark of this day,
be near,
be close,
be in their hearts & minds.

Tears will fall,
goodbyes will follow,
and 5 will be 4 for a while.

But there is heaven,
and there is hope.
Hope in loss,
hope in death,
hope in the strength of love.

Here is my prayer,
as I think of you today.
Be light,
be free,
be close,
and be loved.

Always loved....
because there is always love.

Monday, November 22, 2010

A Prayer for the Weak

Why did you plant this horrible seed in my heart?
Why did you have to hurt me?
Be impatient with me?
Teach me sadness?
Teach me rage?

Why didn't you tell me you loved me?
Why didn't you help me?
Why did you mock me, harass me, envy me & trick me

I can't seem to break this chain
I can't seem to make a trail to blaze

These days are like battle grounds slowly forming their own future, a future I DON'T WANT a future I MUST AVOID a future THAT'S NOT MINE a life I DON'T WANT a legacy I CAN'T BEGIN

Please Lord God, please, please, help me to be a different me

Please murder this pattern, this broken heart, this impatient need for satisfaction

Please smite this anger, this hate, this judgment, this selfishness

Please Lord, please

Please hear me

Please help me


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Back to the Start

how do I feel?
how will I know?
when is the time?
who say's it's so?

The tide will come in
my dear little dove
something will die
as life's just begun

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Here I'll Hide

I'll use my words
as a knife,
to pierce all your bad judgment & cruelty
and you may never know

or better yet, maybe you will
and here I'll hide.
Feeling mighty, feeling strong
Swimming in my sentences, rolling with evil laughter
at the way you live your dirty little life

hey, maybe you'll know
HA, ha, HA, ha, HA, ha
maybe you won't...

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Death Becomes Me

I will hang on to this bitterness like a new best friend
I will drag it with me throughout my long life
I will let it cut me, pierce me, devour me
I will let it mould me, shape me, envelope me

I will hold it when I'm cold
Drink it when I'm empty
Love it when I'm angry
Sleep in it's prickly bed

I will grow old & let it follow me
I'll build a house so it can live with me
I'll break my back so I can carry it
I'll reach the end & I will hate it
It will churn in my stomach & make me eternally ill

It will define me & complete me & end me

then........I will die

Sunday, November 7, 2010


Round, full, promising heart
Filled to the top with love & hope
Small, sad, violent seed
Makes it's way & digs in deep

Tears, pain, anger, loss
Such a cruel way to grow up fast
Time, days, weeks, years
Hate your life now do you dear?

Rise, fly, lift, high
I rebuild as years go by
Cursed, cold, bruised, gone
It's your loss you fucking fraud

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I'll Be Watching

Self righteous pig
Burn up in your daily sins
Seethe until you become a burden on many
Unleash until you burden us ALL

your face is a pit, a hole, a blank vile placeholder
Your day will come
Your day will come my friend
and I will be waiting......



My face is drenched in tears tonight
This hollow, empty feeling is filled only with my fear
You lay there so still, so cold
my mind wanders.....

I'm in a boat.
It's sailing through the water.
I'm floating.
I can feel my weightlessness.
I'm laughing.
So much laughter.
My cheeks ache from all my smiling.
Everybody loves me & I am beautiful & thin
I'm in love & I am loved

I wake up & it's black.

Monday, November 1, 2010

A Golden Life

Peaceful long life
I've waited for you

Won't you keep me from breaking as I dissolve into your undying caress?

Your mine to love and live and breathe and spin into anything I imagine
Anything I treasure
Anything I dream
Anything I desire

Forever and ever is mine and mine alone
and right now, everything I touch turns to gold

So here's my middle finger as I hold my head as high as the biggest bluest sky


Sunday, October 31, 2010

After So Long I'll Call

Where are you?
I often call you in the stillness of the night
or do I?....

When was the last time?
I'm getting older now
Your getting farther now
I'm scared & I'm alone

Did you see my boy?
We washed him in the water of your heart
& my heart danced a little dance
as I prayed a little prayer

Will you forgive me?
Will you redeem me?
Will you protect me?


I'm here

Friday, October 29, 2010

No More

I punched the wall yesterday

Suddenly I saw you punching our family wall.

Then I saw you smacking me with a wooden spoon.

Then I saw you throwing a stool at me in my room.

Then I saw you breaking a glass on the kitchen floor.

I saw so many of YOU,

my protectors,

my loved ones,

my hero's

Then I realised why I feel so angry all the time.

Then I realised i'm passing this on,

for him to pass on,

for his one's to pass on.

I will never punch my wall again


His time will come


He is late & we hold on to time

He is here & we are ready
We believe

My sadness is flowing, my happiness is never ending

My pain is burning, my love is growing, our love is growing

We have released our fears like a dove to the sky

Family is right now

We will breathe the air of a new life that is forever our's

It's ♥

Pink warm glow
on my cheeks
It's love love love

Sweet light smell
in my hair
It's love love love

Sleepy soft skin
in my arms
It's love love love

Strong trusted fortress
living in my heart
It's Love L♥ve LoVe

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


a little capsule
soft & floating
warm & sweet
together with my heart

open to enter
just a little palace
feels like a sunny twinkle
to rest an idea
melt to dissolve
enormous beautiful you
I love you
I love you

I Love You

Forget the Moment

(An unfinished song written around 2004)

a room with two people
one afraid & one a silent mess
here in the shadows
weighted down & heavy with your breath
cursed to be locked in
& never to be free....

bitten by satan
bleeding into me
then in the school yard all their faces
lining up to see
that you were wanting, truly wanting
I could never give you love

Forget the moment

a flower slowly dying
in the fire of your sun
I'm in the closet holding secrets
not knowing what I've lost
you are a boy with pure desire
take your aim at me

living in the shadows
scared to take a breath
I pray to God for absolution
while I struggle in my bed
what am I nothing but a body?
For you to have your way

What is it that I owe you?
My blood & all my hate
You pin me down so you can view me
& hold me as your prey
you call me slut & roll me over
What is it with this man?

Forget the moment

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Love Is Like Living A Dream

the day rolls away
& you pat me softly on my chest
& I love you like nothing else

Everything that was ever anything is nothing,
without you

My body fills your cells which are my own cells & his cells & because of this,
I know,
real beauty really does exist

I rock us both while I dream about all the years that I'll love you

I'll always love you

Always ♥

Sweet Freedom

Some times I feel
that all that I am,
& all that I'll ever be
is a weathered version of you

a crinkled, hollow, hateful, selfish, nasty, self righteous version of YOU

I have no escape
There is no release
There is no freedom
from this life sentence

your long, painful life has melted into my own

Monday, October 25, 2010


He asked me,

why I hate you

and I opened my mouth

to spit the words

to describe

the deeply entrenched


I hold


it seems

the swiftly flowing years


living near power lines

has robbed me of my memories

but I choose to hate you anyway

see, I DON'T need a reason