After So Long I'll Call

Lord
Where are you?
I often call you in the stillness of the night
or do I?....

When was the last time?
I'm getting older now
Your getting farther now
I'm scared & I'm alone

Did you see my boy?
We washed him in the water of your heart
& my heart danced a little dance
as I prayed a little prayer

Will you forgive me?
Will you redeem me?
Will you protect me?

Lord

I'm here

No More

I punched the wall yesterday

Suddenly I saw you punching our family wall.

Then I saw you smacking me with a wooden spoon.

Then I saw you throwing a stool at me in my room.

Then I saw you breaking a glass on the kitchen floor.

I saw so many of YOU,

my protectors,

my loved ones,

my hero's

Then I realised why I feel so angry all the time.

Then I realised i'm passing this on,

for him to pass on,

for his one's to pass on.

I will never punch my wall again

Mine

Waiting....waiting...waiting
His time will come

Waiting....

He is late & we hold on to time
Waiting....

He is here & we are ready
We believe

My sadness is flowing, my happiness is never ending

My pain is burning, my love is growing, our love is growing

We have released our fears like a dove to the sky

Family is right now

We will breathe the air of a new life that is forever our's

It's ♥

Pink warm glow
on my cheeks
It's love love love

Sweet light smell
in my hair
It's love love love

Sleepy soft skin
in my arms
It's love love love

Strong trusted fortress
living in my heart
It's Love L♥ve LoVe

Love

a little capsule
soft & floating
warm & sweet
together with my heart

open to enter
just a little palace
feels like a sunny twinkle
to rest an idea
melt to dissolve
enormous beautiful you
I love you
I love you

I Love You

Forget the Moment

(An unfinished song written around 2004)

a room with two people
one afraid & one a silent mess
here in the shadows
weighted down & heavy with your breath
cursed to be locked in
& never to be free....

bitten by satan
bleeding into me
then in the school yard all their faces
lining up to see
that you were wanting, truly wanting
I could never give you love

Forget the moment

a flower slowly dying
in the fire of your sun
I'm in the closet holding secrets
not knowing what I've lost
you are a boy with pure desire
take your aim at me

living in the shadows
scared to take a breath
I pray to God for absolution
while I struggle in my bed
what am I nothing but a body?
For you to have your way

What is it that I owe you?
My blood & all my hate
You pin me down so you can view me
& hold me as your prey
you call me slut & roll me over
What is it with this man?

Forget the moment

Love Is Like Living A Dream

the day rolls away
& you pat me softly on my chest
& I love you like nothing else

Everything that was ever anything is nothing,
without you

My body fills your cells which are my own cells & his cells & because of this,
I know,
real beauty really does exist

I rock us both while I dream about all the years that I'll love you

I'll always love you

Always ♥

Sweet Freedom

Some times I feel

that all that I am,

& all that I'll ever be

is a weathered version of you

a crinkled, hollow, hateful, selfish, nasty, self righteous version of YOU

I have no escape

There is no release

There is no freedom

from this life sentence

your long, painful life has melted into my own

WHY

He asked me,



why I hate you



and I opened my mouth

to spit the words

to describe

the deeply entrenched



H.A.T.E



I hold



FOR YOU.



it seems

the swiftly flowing years

and

living near power lines

has robbed me of my memories



but I choose to hate you anyway



see, I DON'T need a reason



lady