Saturday, November 27, 2010

One, Two, Three

Quiet, blissful, glorious morning
my two love each other,
as they love me

Calm, wonderful, joyful life
I am forever grateful for the hand that I hold

Three silent, breathing bodies
One as strong as a mountain
Two as beautiful as a sunset
Three as loving as a mother

I Love You
I Love You both

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I Hope Your Fat

I drove by your house today,
Killing some time,
Trying to put my son to sleep,
and I thought to myself,
"This won't bother me"
"It was too long ago"
It was so long ago...

But it must,
and I knew it did,
when I felt a big, rolling, hard sorrow build right inside my chest.

Your ugly house is still fucking ugly.

I hope your really unsuccessful.

I hope your wife left you because your a closed off, ignorant, abusive, drug fucked weirdo

or better yet,

you've never been loved.

& I hope your fat.

.........You always hated that

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

For my Family

May God lift your soul,
Into his arms,
clutch you to his chest,
and love you forever,
the way you have been loved,
here on earth.

May God be with my family,
In the dark of this day,
be near,
be close,
be in their hearts & minds.

Tears will fall,
goodbyes will follow,
and 5 will be 4 for a while.

But there is heaven,
and there is hope.
Hope in loss,
hope in death,
hope in the strength of love.

Here is my prayer,
as I think of you today.
Be light,
be free,
be close,
and be loved.

Always loved....
because there is always love.

Monday, November 22, 2010

A Prayer for the Weak

Why did you plant this horrible seed in my heart?
Why did you have to hurt me?
Be impatient with me?
Teach me sadness?
Teach me rage?

Why didn't you tell me you loved me?
Why didn't you help me?
Why did you mock me, harass me, envy me & trick me

I can't seem to break this chain
I can't seem to make a trail to blaze

These days are like battle grounds slowly forming their own future, a future I DON'T WANT a future I MUST AVOID a future THAT'S NOT MINE a life I DON'T WANT a legacy I CAN'T BEGIN

Please Lord God, please, please, help me to be a different me

Please murder this pattern, this broken heart, this impatient need for satisfaction

Please smite this anger, this hate, this judgment, this selfishness

Please Lord, please

Please hear me

Please help me


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Back to the Start

how do I feel?
how will I know?
when is the time?
who say's it's so?

The tide will come in
my dear little dove
something will die
as life's just begun

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Here I'll Hide

I'll use my words
as a knife,
to pierce all your bad judgment & cruelty
and you may never know

or better yet, maybe you will
and here I'll hide.
Feeling mighty, feeling strong
Swimming in my sentences, rolling with evil laughter
at the way you live your dirty little life

hey, maybe you'll know
HA, ha, HA, ha, HA, ha
maybe you won't...

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Death Becomes Me

I will hang on to this bitterness like a new best friend
I will drag it with me throughout my long life
I will let it cut me, pierce me, devour me
I will let it mould me, shape me, envelope me

I will hold it when I'm cold
Drink it when I'm empty
Love it when I'm angry
Sleep in it's prickly bed

I will grow old & let it follow me
I'll build a house so it can live with me
I'll break my back so I can carry it
I'll reach the end & I will hate it
It will churn in my stomach & make me eternally ill

It will define me & complete me & end me

then........I will die

Sunday, November 7, 2010


Round, full, promising heart
Filled to the top with love & hope
Small, sad, violent seed
Makes it's way & digs in deep

Tears, pain, anger, loss
Such a cruel way to grow up fast
Time, days, weeks, years
Hate your life now do you dear?

Rise, fly, lift, high
I rebuild as years go by
Cursed, cold, bruised, gone
It's your loss you fucking fraud

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I'll Be Watching

Self righteous pig
Burn up in your daily sins
Seethe until you become a burden on many
Unleash until you burden us ALL

your face is a pit, a hole, a blank vile placeholder
Your day will come
Your day will come my friend
and I will be waiting......



My face is drenched in tears tonight
This hollow, empty feeling is filled only with my fear
You lay there so still, so cold
my mind wanders.....

I'm in a boat.
It's sailing through the water.
I'm floating.
I can feel my weightlessness.
I'm laughing.
So much laughter.
My cheeks ache from all my smiling.
Everybody loves me & I am beautiful & thin
I'm in love & I am loved

I wake up & it's black.

Monday, November 1, 2010

A Golden Life

Peaceful long life
I've waited for you

Won't you keep me from breaking as I dissolve into your undying caress?

Your mine to love and live and breathe and spin into anything I imagine
Anything I treasure
Anything I dream
Anything I desire

Forever and ever is mine and mine alone
and right now, everything I touch turns to gold

So here's my middle finger as I hold my head as high as the biggest bluest sky