Darkest Black

I've always been seduced by the dark side.

It's floaty music knocking on my heart,

It's black paint washing my eyes,

til all I can see is the night.

 

Take me in & mould me,

dance your dirty dance with me,

drag me, bruise me, scratch me,

It's always just a whispering,

a soft note gently building,

a rolling wind so tempting...

 

But white light shows me honesty.

Integrity

& bravery,

 

I'll love you in a way, u see,

but my heart is with the greatest of the great,

& you are just a melody.

Singing to me sweetly.

Never really winning.

A lost and lonely empty.

A nothing real to me.

 

The Most Evil One

I see it there,
Embedded in your heart

A word 
Violently thrown
From my mouth

Spins
Circles
Grows
Fills until it almost combusts

You catch it
Cup it in your hands
You shield your eyes
You can't look at it
Don't want to connect with it

But its leering
Pulsing
Almost bursting

You turn to throw it
Be rid of it
End it

It turns back
Forms a glass edged point
& enters your chest

Its ragged edges pierce
It's rusty terror enters
It's in your heart

It lives there
It's found a home
Inside your soul
Inside your memory
Inside your image

Forever it stays

And I didn't even mean it......

Here I Am

Swirling empty nothing
My only companion
Deep swelling longing
Your my only friend

Tears weigh down my spirit
Connection is all that I need
Sweet loving purpose
Someone a kin to me

Something alive
Something vital
Something honest
Something real

Fill me up with love
Fill me up with kindness
Fill me up with knowing

I'm in here
I'm in here
Here I am

I'm in here

Perfect Love

My little light
My little heart
There's nothing I wouldn't do.
Theres no one I'd rather be,
than your mother

My sweetest boy
My loveliest babe
You fill me with,
The warmest love
My darling son

I love you endlessly
fiercely & truly
I'll hold you closely
For all your days with me

My special half me
God chose you proudly
& gave you perfectly,
to love & need me
My God, I'm so lucky
My perfect little boy

For My Loves

I love you so much,
without you,
I would die.

My body would go cold.
My skin would turn pale.
I'd wither & I'd be gone.
Dry & lifeless,
I'd float away with the wind.

Without you,
I'd be nothing.
A black & lifeless hole.
I'd no longer be anything,
If I didn't have you.

Oh to feel so much need,
and to deny it not,
Is a gift,
and a curse.

To feel so much love,
to let it govern your life,
Is equally freeing,
as it is suffocating.
Equally wonderful,
as it is pain.

But I love you so.
So, much so,
I'd die without you.
I'd surely die.

Ask & You Shall Receive

My beating heart
My happy spirit
My lucky life
My complete & utter blessed of blessings

God is watching & I don't deserve his loving eye

All I can ask for is his forgiveness
Time & time & time,
on & over & on & over again

A Rhyme for a Patch of Mine ♥

Veggie Garden,
little haven.
Small & new
what will you do?

Burn & fry right to the ground?
or grow so high with veggies proud?

Stand up tall like an Indian chief?
or dry & shrivel like an autumn leaf?

Now I wait for you to show
will you stay?
or will you go?

back in the ground where you began?
or up & proud like I have planned?

Little patch so full of life
I'll give you water, I'll give you light
I'll give you love, I'll give you time
& write for you this little rhyme ♥

You & Us

All these moments
Swell up in my heart
They make me
They remake me
And I praise God above

I feel it
Synced with that beating
In my chest
I'll look back on this
When I'm old
When I'm fulfilled
And I'll love completely
And I'll know fully
That my life was great

Time On My Mind

I'm sinking deeply,
Falling wholly,
Crashing sharply,
Breaking slowly

Minds eye.
Minds memory.
Bring me back,
to that pain.
That fear.
Time, stalling, motion, aftermath

"and you run & you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again.."

One, Two, Three

Quiet, blissful, glorious morning
my two love each other,
as they love me

Calm, wonderful, joyful life
I am forever grateful for the hand that I hold

Three silent, breathing bodies
One as strong as a mountain
Two as beautiful as a sunset
Three as loving as a mother

I Love You
I Love You both

I Hope Your Fat

I drove by your house today,
Killing some time,
Trying to put my son to sleep,
and I thought to myself,
"This won't bother me"
"It was too long ago"
It was so long ago...

But it must,
and I knew it did,
when I felt a big, rolling, hard sorrow build right inside my chest.

Your ugly house is still fucking ugly.

I hope your really unsuccessful.

I hope your wife left you because your a closed off, ignorant, abusive, drug fucked weirdo

or better yet,

you've never been loved.

& I hope your fat.

.........You always hated that

For my Family

May God lift your soul,
Into his arms,
clutch you to his chest,
and love you forever,
the way you have been loved,
here on earth.

May God be with my family,
In the dark of this day,
be near,
be close,
be in their hearts & minds.

Tears will fall,
goodbyes will follow,
and 5 will be 4 for a while.

But there is heaven,
and there is hope.
Hope in loss,
hope in death,
hope in the strength of love.

Here is my prayer,
as I think of you today.
Be light,
be free,
be close,
and be loved.

Always loved....
because there is always love.

A Prayer for the Weak

Why did you plant this horrible seed in my heart?
Why did you have to hurt me?
Be impatient with me?
Teach me sadness?
Teach me rage?

Why didn't you tell me you loved me?
Why didn't you help me?
Why did you mock me, harass me, envy me & trick me

I can't seem to break this chain
I can't seem to make a trail to blaze

These days are like battle grounds slowly forming their own future, a future I DON'T WANT a future I MUST AVOID a future THAT'S NOT MINE a life I DON'T WANT a legacy I CAN'T BEGIN

Please Lord God, please, please, help me to be a different me

Please murder this pattern, this broken heart, this impatient need for satisfaction

Please smite this anger, this hate, this judgment, this selfishness

Please Lord, please

Please hear me

Please help me

Please

Back to the Start

how do I feel?
how will I know?
when is the time?
who say's it's so?

The tide will come in
my dear little dove
something will die
as life's just begun

Here I'll Hide

I'll use my words
as a knife,
to pierce all your bad judgment & cruelty
and you may never know

or better yet, maybe you will
and here I'll hide.
Feeling mighty, feeling strong
Swimming in my sentences, rolling with evil laughter
at the way you live your dirty little life

hey, maybe you'll know
HA, ha, HA, ha, HA, ha
maybe you won't...

Death Becomes Me

I will hang on to this bitterness like a new best friend
I will drag it with me throughout my long life
I will let it cut me, pierce me, devour me
I will let it mould me, shape me, envelope me

I will hold it when I'm cold
Drink it when I'm empty
Love it when I'm angry
Sleep in it's prickly bed

I will grow old & let it follow me
I'll build a house so it can live with me
I'll break my back so I can carry it
I'll reach the end & I will hate it
It will churn in my stomach & make me eternally ill

It will define me & complete me & end me

then........I will die

Loser

Round, full, promising heart
Filled to the top with love & hope
Small, sad, violent seed
Makes it's way & digs in deep

Tears, pain, anger, loss
Such a cruel way to grow up fast
Time, days, weeks, years
Hate your life now do you dear?

Rise, fly, lift, high
I rebuild as years go by
Cursed, cold, bruised, gone
It's your loss you fucking fraud

I'll Be Watching

Self righteous pig
Burn up in your daily sins
Seethe until you become a burden on many
Unleash until you burden us ALL

your face is a pit, a hole, a blank vile placeholder
Your day will come
Your day will come my friend
and I will be waiting......

XYZMCQHDYU6D

Black

My face is drenched in tears tonight
again.
This hollow, empty feeling is filled only with my fear
You lay there so still, so cold
my mind wanders.....

I'm in a boat.
It's sailing through the water.
I'm floating.
I can feel my weightlessness.
I'm laughing.
So much laughter.
My cheeks ache from all my smiling.
Everybody loves me & I am beautiful & thin
I'm in love & I am loved

I wake up & it's black.

A Golden Life

Peaceful long life
I've waited for you

Won't you keep me from breaking as I dissolve into your undying caress?

Your mine to love and live and breathe and spin into anything I imagine
Anything I treasure
Anything I dream
Anything I desire

Forever and ever is mine and mine alone
and right now, everything I touch turns to gold

So here's my middle finger as I hold my head as high as the biggest bluest sky

Viva!